On How We Spend Our Time: Protecting the Inner Circle

When Rob and I met Joey and Robyn in June of 2017 on a 10 10 marriage retreat, we talked about the work/rest rhythm and protecting quality time with one another...and our family.  It has been a slow growth process for me.  I am coming off a few weeks where I feel like "the train derailed."  I spent the last week surveying the damage, cleaning up the wreckage and putting the train back on the track.

I was reminded of last summer.  I love the beginning of summer because it is a blank sheet of paper to sketch our hopes and dreams for the next twelve weeks.  We have created "Summer Bucket Lists" on whiteboards and mentally in our minds.  Last year in early June the Oregon rain dissipated and the sky opened up to a warm summer-like sun.  Our family biked and skateboarded to the park a stone's throw from our house as we typically do on Sunday afternoons in the spring and summer.  My son who was eleven at the time prefers to venture into the woods and climb trees versus utilize the play equipment.  He was overlooking Pringle Creek which is an urban flow of streams that go through several of our parks and neighborhoods.

My son and I began tracing in our minds where the creek flows to.  We had run across the same creek in a different park a few years ago when we were training for an obstacle course race.  Then my son had this grand idea, "Let's follow the creek as far as we can.  We can put on old shoes and walk through it and see where it leads."

This was the one activity he wanted to do with me in the summer.  It was simple and did not cost us anything.  We did not even have to drive anywhere.  However, there always seems to be a hundred obstacles getting in the way of doing the simplest and most meaningful activities with the ones we care about.

 I do not work many hours in the summer so I could not even use my job as an excuse.  You know how it goes.  The laundry, organizing the middle closet, and summer education course takes precedence.  Not to mention the time suckers that demand our attention like social media and addictive reality TV shows.Guilty!  But I was sorting laundry while I was watching it!  Still guilty. Then of course the conversation in my head:  "Amy you are not working this summer.  You have extra time to volunteer at church. You can organize A, B, C, and D.  You could serve on another committee."

You move, you push, you create your long to-do list and your goal is to disappoint nobody. You have a clean house with folded laundry. You organized the whole attic top to bottom. You completed your second to the last education course for your associates degree with a decent grade.  You teach VBS and do a pretty stellar job. You plan a youth group whitewater rafting and hiking adventure.

 The truth is we usually disappoint the ones we care about the most.  Because late August comes and you still have not done the one thing you promised to do with your son.

 So on one of the last days of summer, I told my son, "Let's do it!  Let's go creek walking!"  We strap on old shoes and we walk a half mile down the road and enter the creek at the baseball field near our house.  We are in a tree covered canopy as we step from one slippery rock to the next.  We keep commenting, "It is hard to believe we are in our neighborhood."  We feel like we have been transported to a rural forest miles away.

My mind has been transported too.  I am fully present with my son.  Not dwelling on the house work that needs to be done, or the orientation meeting at my daughter's school I have to go that evening, or the fact I go back to work in three days. Not even dwelling on what bacteria might be in the water or the fact we might be trespassing through other people's backyards.  That has all been put up on a shelf and I don't need to take it out and examine it at that moment.  For the record we did get yelled at by a cranky elderly man to get off his property even though I believe the creek is technically city property.

Shauna Niequist in her book Present Over Perfect (which is on the 10 10's recommended reading list) says the following about disappointing others:

“Picture your relationships like concentric circles: the inner circle is your spouse, your children, your very best friends.  Then the next circle out is your extended family and good friends.  Then people you know, but not well, colleagues, and so on to the outer edge. Aim to disappoint the people at the center as rarely as possible.  And then learn to be more comfortable with disappointing the people who lie at the edge of the circle—people you’re not as close to, people who do not and should not require your unflagging dedication.” (55)

I am reminded of this memory on this rain soaked still-winter-not-quite-spring Saturday morning in early February.  When work demands increased triple-fold.  When church responsibilities still linger.  When housework needs to be completed.  When I really should exercise because I neglected it all week.  When there is a pile of emails I still have not responded to.  I am going to lay that aside and put it on a shelf.  Instead I am going to sit and eat homemade cinnamon rolls with my family and talk about future summer vacations.  Tonight I am going to see a movie with my husband.  I am not going to disappoint my inner circle this weekend.