In January of 1999 I had three semesters left of college and I was craving an extended break from my life in West Michigan. I wanted to do a semester abroad in a remote place and study missions. It was a desire I had for about a year. I was tired of being in large groups of people and maintaining a fast paced schedule that included work, classes, writing papers, field education and eating fast food meals on the fly. I was tired of my car that kept breaking down. God provided me with an opportunity to go to West Papua, Indonesia for four months. Being with the same people, having a schedule each day, eating healthy, staying active through adventure activities like hiking, and having classes in more of a homeschool format was what I desired.
There were of course other stressors that were unique to living in the jungle for four months. Sickness, fatigue, sometimes boredom (we could not leave the mission compound on our own and there were not many places to go), living in a culture extremely different from anything I experienced, safety issues, a language barrier, and feelings of overwhelm. I missed my family, Rob (who was my boyfriend of three months at the time), and friends. I dealt with disconnect and loneliness on a regular basis.
I think this is why living during the COVID 19 pandemic has brought back memories of my time in Indonesia. Our lives became much simpler. I have been mostly with the same four people in my family for two months. Our routines and schedules are simpler. However, there are other stressors unique to living during a pandemic. Learning new technology, figuring out how to work and go to school from home, grieving missed activities and events, missing family and friends, and boredom. There have been bouts of loneliness and anxiety as well.
One of our last weeks in Indonesia our team leader Dave lead a devotional I will never forget. I have repeated it for groups since that time. He held up a jar and filled it with candy. He said this is what we were like when we came into Indonesia. We had been immersed in American culture and we were entering into a completely different environment. He hit the jar gently on rocks and talked about how we had been challenged, tossed around, and changed. He dumped the candy all over the ground. Then he filled the jar with rocks. He said that God filled us with new things while in Indonesia. These were new treasures we would take home. We might feel "different" and "out of place" when we returned to America. Which I found to be true. I had a panic attack when I was in a crowd of people at the beach in Grand Haven, MI a few weeks after returning home. Mostly related to culture shock. Dave reminded us, "Wherever you are God is."
I am reminded of Galatians 2:20 which was also an important verse to some of us while in Indonesia. It says, "I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." The greatest treasure God fills us with Christ. This new life we find in Christ is not easy. We might feel "out of place" but wherever we are God is.
We were tossed around during this pandemic. Many things important to us were dumped out and destroyed. But there were treasures gained. Rob and I became closer and improved in our communication. Our children actually fought very little and I loved seeing them spend time together. They created rituals and routines I hope continue. I actually watched less TV than normal and listened to podcasts for the first time. I learned to live in the present and not be overwhelmed by future deadlines and events. This is something I need to remind myself of next fall. I allowed my body to do the things it responds positively to such as running and biking (miss swimming!). I also allowed my body to rest and sometimes sleep an extra hour or two. When the pandemic hit, I think I was sleep deprived. I allowed myself to express emotions: to grieve, to be angry in a healthy way, to share disappointments, and to sit in uncertainty. I learned more about emotions in the last year and a half than ever before.
I don't look back at my four months in Indonesia as "fun" like I would look back on a vacation or a road trip with friends. There were more days I felt burdened by anxiety and overwhelm than days I felt at peace. But the treasures I gained have shaped every single area of my life. I have a deep passion for Indonesia because of my time there.
We don't know what our summer will be like. It will not be normal. It might be difficult. We might not see what we have gained in the moment or even this summer or even this year. But God is at work us. We are his treasures. Wherever we are, God is.
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