States of Mind During the Stay At Home Ordinance

This past week I felt like my life was not much different than the indoor cat's.  Stuck at home.  Not many places to go.  Sleeping sounds good. 

Salena soaking in the sun

During this COVID-19 "stay-at-home ordinance" we fluctuate between "This is quite nice and relaxing" to "This is really frustrating...when will it end?" and "I think we've lost it."

First the positives...

•  The kids have adapted well though they all had their moments.  Overall, they are fighting very little, finding things to do, and respecting screen time restrictions.  We only increased their screen time a little bit.
• I have had time for previous hobbies such as playing guitar.  I was pretty consistent with it this fall but January was a mentally and emotionally strenuous month--and I lost motivation. It is nice to be working on it again.
• I read three books in a week.
• I am still motivated to exercise even though my gym closed.  Because I run and bike outside year round, I have still able to do the workouts I love.
• I got back into cooking and baking.  I made chili and cornbread from scratch.  This morning I made homemade sticky buns.

First time making sticky buns

• We have enjoyed some family movie nights and game nights.
• I am grateful for user friendly technology.  We have been able to connect with extended family, friends, and youth groups kids via Zoom and other networking programs.

Family Zoom Session representing three states

• I have been working on my Spanish and Rob is working on learning Dutch.
• The slower pace has been good for my mental and emotional health.

And the challenges...

•  All three kids miss their schools, their teachers, and their friends.  I greatly miss my preschoolers and their families.
•  Since I cannot teach in the classroom, my whole job has changed.  I have had to think outside the box a lot.
• Being an extrovert, being home days on end is draining and exhausting.  My temptation is to sleep way more than necessary and I have to try to keep a somewhat consistent sleep schedule.
• Like the rest of the world, special trips and events had to be cancelled.  We don't know how long that cancellation will extend to.  June?  Later?
• The uncertainty and all the news updates feeds my anxiety.  I listen to the news in the morning and then try to shut it off for the rest of the day.
• At times I struggle with not being motivated.  I have all this time on my hands but I don't want to do anything.  My default mode is sleeping or scrolling on Facebook.

And the "I think we've lost it" moments which make this whole situation a little less serious and more lighthearted.

•   I forgot my zip code the other day and said my old Michigan zip code instead (even though I have been in Oregon fifteen years)
• We watched the movie Groundhog Day as a family.  After the movie was over and the kids went to bed, Rob and I were talking.  I said, "This is hard for me.  Each day is the same.  Day after day."  He said, "Are you talking about the movie or real life?"
•   I played several rounds of Euchure with the computer and was yelling at the computer's choice cards he/she/it played.
•   Rob and I watched a half hour of aerial skiing and ski jumping accidents last night on You Tube.
•   I listened to the 1984 version of "We Are the World" while cleaning my kitchen and sang every single word.
•  The younger two children were listening to old carnival music and pretending to be goblins.
• The highlight of my son's day was walking to Walgreens to buy a pack of three prong wall adapters.  Which I was excited about because everyone keeps sharing the same one and I can't find it half the time.

As for the cat,  I don't think she is used to everyone being in her space all the time.  I am not quite sure whether she likes it or is a bit annoyed by it.  Maybe a mix of both.

In all seriousness, we are constantly reminded that God is in control.  May we seek to honor and glorify Him in all we do--even in our state of quarantine.

Race Report: Race #2 Small Group Solo 10K

Before COVID-19 I did not understand the point of running a virtual race.  Why run a race by yourself when you could race against other people and be a part of a large event?  My mind was not open to the idea until every single race for the next two months was cancelled.  And I committed to running ten races in 2020 and I do not want to run every single one in the late summer and fall.

Since March was my 10K race month, I decided to create my own virtual 10K race.  I decided my theme would be "The Small Group Run" since three out of the four families in my small group live within running distance. The other family lives in Albany approximately twenty two miles away.  Which running a virtual marathon might work if I can figure out how to get back home.

I started my race at 8 AM with my virtual gun going off in my head.  I was proud of myself that I was able to maintain more of a race pace of approximately nine and half minute miles.  The course was more than hilly than most races I run.  I ran past my first friend's house and she was out on her driveway with her sweet baby cheering me on.  I ran past her house and through one of my favorite parks we had a picnic in on Mother's Day last year.  We also went there on my birthday two weeks ago before this madness started.

 I made it to my next friend's house and she was at her front door with her preschool son cheering for me.  I love races with crowd support because it does propel you towards the finish line.  Honestly having their crowd support was enough for me this morning.  It was welcomed!

Then I ran to the last friend's house and forgot she lives at the top of a large hill.  That was not fun conquering a hill the last mile of my 10K race.  Originally when I mapped it, my 6.2 miles would end in front of her house but Map My Run told me I had 0.2 miles still to go.  I ran to Hillview Park up the street from her house and finished my race there.  Obviously I got first place!

While I ran, I listened to a playlist I created on iTunes I named, "Hope For This Time" and I listened to inspirational songs.  I listened to Chris Tomlin's song "God of the City" which I have not listened to in a very long time. This song became meaningful to me when I went on a mission trip to Philadelphia with our church in 2010.  We sang it in the worship service with the people from Philly in which we worked with.

This part of the song really struck a chord with me:

For greater things have yet to come
And greater things are still to be done in this city
Greater things have yet to come
And greater things are still to be done in this city

We have lived in our city for over thirteen years.  We have invested in this community.  We have watched our church evolve and change and minister to many people over the years.  We have said good-bye to people who left their earthly homes and we have welcomed numerous children who have grown into young men and women.  We have walked with people through tragic events.  We have waded through uncertain times that tore us apart before it brought us back together.  Not having as much connection now but still reaching out and caring for "the flock" is burdensome.  More so for my husband than for me.  Please if you have not already done so--pray for your pastor.

Someone asked me this week:  "Who is caring for the pastor if he is taking care of the flock?"  That made me think about how grateful I am for Joey and Robyn at 10 10 Ministries who checked in with us this week as well.  They have their own flock they are caring for and I am grateful to be part of that flock of ministry couples waded through this crazy time in our world.

I thought of my own job as well.  Since I started working for an agency three years ago that helps people in impoverished situations, I have seen "the other sides of the city."  I did not have as much exposure to this when I was a stay at home mom.  Since the COVID-19 epidemic hit, this portion of our city has been  hit just as hard--if not harder.  My heart breaks as I think of the needs I cannot meet.

God is the author of our hope and our salvation.  He fuels us with strength we can find right now in the midst of a tragedy.  I do not know how long this all going to last.  I wish I had a date.  A time frame.  A good estimate.  I have to limit myself from the news, statistics, and social media at times during this crisis because it feeds my anxiety.

God brings restoration.  The hope we can find in Christ is unlike any other kind of hope we can grasp on to during this time.  Greater things are yet to come.

Running Is Not Cancelled Even If Races Are!

Countless running races have been cancelled in both March and April and now more in May and even June.  Crowds, runners aligning together, used cups at aid stations etc. poses too many risks for COVID-19.  They might be able to cancel races but they cannot cancel running...at least not yet. Hopefully not at all. We can still leave our homes and go for a run. 

Even though I am an extrovert by nature, I am more of an introverted runner.  I like to run alone and I crave the solo time and the ability to be lost in my own thoughts.

The running community has gotten pretty creative when it has come to races.  I am part of a few different running and triathlon Facebook groups.  Someone's marathon got canceled so she ran 26.2 miles on her own around an indoor track!  That is serious dedication.  Another person made their own "hometown race" and asked neighbors and friends to be her cheering section and aid station.

I was supposed to run a 10K last Saturday.  My plan was do a 5K trail run with my son in April.  Those plans were thrown out the window. When I decided back in December to run ten races in 2020, I had no idea a portion of 2020 would not have any running races to participate in!

So my plan for a March race is to do "a small group run" on Friday morning.  We have been blessed with a small group at our church that has been meeting for several years.  We have seen one another through new babies added to our families, job changes, mental struggles, moving to different homes, health  concerns, and much more.  Aside from one family, we all live in the same area of town.  Which is a tremendous blessing.  When we first moved here in 2006, there were very few families from our church in our neighborhood. 

I will be running from my house to one family's house, to the next family's house and ending at another family's house.  I mapped it out and it is 6.2 miles.  I will time myself too.  Though the timing might be off because of stoplights and I was told Map My Run is not totally accurate.  I am looking forward to completing this solo race.

This is my second race of ten for 10 10 Ministries.    April's race could be just as interesting...I am already thinking of some themes.

Our Sign Off Time

I was trying to come up with a single image to describe the times we are living in.  The picture above is what I came up with.

When I was young child in the 1980's, I used to love to page through the TV Guide.  This was one of the only ways to figure out what was actually on TV.  There was no live streaming, Netflix, or on-air guides, and of course no Internet.  I remember seeing a show listed, "Sign off" and it was three hours long.  I said to my dad, "What kind of show is sign off?  It is three hours long."  To which my dad explained that some of the channels shut down in the middle of the night and do not show any programming until the early morning.  It was too expensive to show programs twenty four/seven.  We never saw the channel "sign off" because it was long after we went to bed.

This is exactly how I feel our lives currently are. We had to "sign off" our normal everyday lives as many things shut down or cancelled around us.  It is strange to look at my April calendar and not have a single thing to put on it except for Good Friday and Easter which I may in fact celebrate in my own home.

After I get over the initial frustration that "our sign off period" keeps getting extended (Oregon schools now will not open until April 28th and it could be even longer), I am learning to think outside the box and look at the whole picture.  I can still run outside.  I can still go to the park.  I have more time for hobbies.  I can read books.  I can connect with friends and family by technology.  I am getting more sleep. Our family is caring for each other.  I want to make some videos for work.  There is more.

Though I do not handle the disappointment perfectly and honestly this has not been easy, I think some of us might gain something from it.  Even if we do not know what it is right now.  Let's allow our hearts to open to God's wisdom and providence.

Life Disruptions

This morning I was supposed to be running in the Salem Paddy Pint 10K in downtown Salem.  Like many races including larger ones like the Portland Shamrock and the Boston Marathon, mine too was postponed due to the corona virus pandemic.

This morning I was supposed to be bringing my daughter in the wee early morning hours to board a bus that would take her to the Portland International Airport with several other students from her high school.  She would then board a plane headed to San Diego and cross the border into Mexico where she would experience her first mission trip as a high school student without one of her parents participating.  Although I fully understand why the trip had to be cancelled and I know she is one of many in this situation, it is hard to get over.  Sadness keeps creeping up on all of us because of it.

This morning we woke up to snow which is very strange.  We get little to no snow in our area during the winter and rarely in March.  No one seems that excited about it because of everything else going on in our world right now.

It is difficult to describe what I am experiencing because I never lived through a pandemic. My youngest was born during the Swine Flu (H1N1) epidemic.  The hospital took necessary precautions such as allowing only one family member in the delivery room.  Anyone under eighteen was not permitted on the maternity ward.  Handwashing was encouraged.  Magazines were taken out of waiting rooms.  We think Rob had H1N1 only days before our youngest was born.  He had a high fever and fell ill though he never got tested.  He got over it within a few days.  I was fortunate enough to get the H1N1 vaccine since I qualified being pregnant.  That previous event seems mild and almost "a non-crisis event" compared to this.

  I do not remember schools being shut down for days except when blizzard like conditions hit our area.  I have never been much of a germaphobe.  Now I find myself washing my hands, trying not to touch my face, and hesitant to enter public places.  I hate the idea of hunkering down in my house.  But I feel safe here.  I feel like I am doing my duty to prevent  the vulnerable from catching this virus.

I described in my previous blog post about obstacles.  I have experienced many of them this year.  Some I expected and others were surprises.  This does not feel like an obstacle.  It feels more like a landslide. Or a train derailment. A disruption. Everything has slowed down or stopped. 

  I started this week celebrating my 43rd birthday, enjoying the beautiful spring like weather, talking to my daughter about her Mexico trip, and thinking about Spring Break plans. I had no idea how this week would unfold.  I am ending the week with my children on Spring Break one week early (although I still have to work next week), my daughter's trip cancelled, and it is hard to make any kind of plans.  Especially since many places are closed due to social distancing requirements.  

It is hard to know how God will use this experience and what we will gain from it.  It is too early too tell.  I don't like to make those predictions prematurely.  

This week God put the words of the familiar hymn To God Be The Glory on my heart.  Especially as I got more exhausted as the week went on.  I had to work extra hours due to being short staffed at work due to illnesses.  Then the uncertainty of how this virus would affect our workplace hyped some of us up. Then all the cancellations. Now the uncertainties of how long this will last.

 But "Great things he has taught us, great things he has done.  And great our rejoicing through the Jesus the son."  I felt like God was asking me, "Are you going to praise ME during this challenging time?  Are you going to rejoice no matter the circumstances?"  Because He has done GREAT things.  Let us not lose sight of the hope we have in Jesus Christ.  He is greater than the disruptions in our lives we are facing these next few weeks.

I do know last night we spent time together as a family.  Some of us are anxious.  Some of us are overwhelmed.  Some of us are disappointed.  Some of us are tired.  We have not always handled it perfectly and we might get a little stir crazy the next few days.  But the care and concern we have had for another is something I am grateful for.