Sick

I got sick a lot in 2019 and early 2020.

  In August of 2019 I got a "summer cold" complete with fatigue and a low grade fever.  Worst time of year to be sick.  Rob caught it took while we were camping.

 I almost always get some sort of cough or cold once school begins.  It was no surprise that I had a nasty cough in September of 2019. 

 In November I got another dry cough. I was sitting in a very important educational meeting at work and my friend kept passing me cough drops. 

 A month later I was in the same meeting coughing and had a low grade fever.  Thankfully I had my own cough drops. 

 I was healthy all through January. 

 On Sunday, February 23rd, 2020 I woke up feeling a little weak and lightheaded.  I really wanted to run at the track that afternoon because the weather was supposed to be beautiful.  I knew if I skipped Sunday School and church because I was sick, then I was too sick to run at the track.  During Sunday School I started to feel faint and by the church service I had chills.  One of my youth group kids told me to go home.  I left immediately after the service, walked home and put on a big sweatshirt.  I crawled in bed where I stayed until the next morning. I did go to work the next day. I was thinking that might have been COVID-19, but now I am thinking it was not.

The pandemic hit full force in March.  For nine and a months I had nothing.  Not even a mild cold.  No cough.  No sniffles.  Until yesterday when my daughter got a positive COVID-19 test and the rest of us are assumed positives.  While my symptoms are pretty mild, my healthy streak is over.  I am greatly looking forward to this pandemic being over as well.

I miss...I dislike...I am thankful...and I learned

How have the last nine months shaped you?  What do you miss?  What do you dislike?  What are you thankful for?  What have you learned?

I miss...

•  running races with crowd support
•  festivals and concerts
•  church services with more families present
•   teaching preschool in my own classroom
• kids sport games
• travel
• school events
• large group gatherings with friends
• seeing extended family
• large community events
• going to restaurants and coffee shops and being able to sit inside.  

I dislike...

•  the nagging feeling of "when will this ever end?"
•  watching the news
•  the "mask" debates and other heated discussions related to COVID 19
•  disappointment over and over again about all the things being postponed or cancelled
•  virtual meetings
• seeing people mentally drained and depressed due to this pandemic
• seeing children being out of "in person school" this long
• how devastating this disease has been for some people...it hits you personally when you know someone who died from COVID-19.
• how there is a lot we still don't know about this virus.

I am thankful...

•  for a more flexible schedule that has allowed me to work a mix of home, office, and classroom
• being able to exercise in the afternoons and not have to rely on the crack of dawn (it's going to be hard if and when I have to go back to that!)
•  we can go hike, bike, go to the coast, run, and do many outdoor activities
•  we still have our jobs
•  that our family is pretty close-knit and cares for one another 
•  for extra time for hobbies
•  for our little friend community here 
  
• a chance to slow down...even though sometimes it feels like a little too much.
• encouragement notes, texts, and emails received
• a large middle middle school youth group with thoughtful and joyful kids 
• a chance to try new things like singing on praise team and editing videos for teachers
• there is a vaccine now

I have learned...

•  to be more "go with the flow" and not have everything planned out...I honestly don't think I worry about "time" and deadlines nearly as much as I used to.
• the importance of practicing self care
• to show more empathy to others
• to slow down
• to have a humble heart and listen to people
• the importance of calming down before helping others calm down
• to take joy in the little things
• I am sure there will be more things that will be revealed with time...sometimes we don't see what we learned until after its over

The Day The World Changed

 I don’t think I will ever forget the morning of Thursday, March 12th, 2020.  It began as a chaotic week and came to a screeching halt. I woke up that morning tired from the events of the week and longing for the weekend.  Rob was in the kitchen and had that familiar look of concern in his eyes when something intense is about to happen.

He said, “I think we need to come to the reality that our daughter's mission trip to Mexico is going to be cancelled.”  My heart sank and my first reaction was denial. I said to him “I cannot deal with this right now.”  Rob went on to say that schools were probably going to shut down and I would resort to working from home. I know he was thinking about what this would look like for our church.  I could not wrap my mind around it.  I had not paid much attention to the news that week as I had been very busy at work. I was unaware of the severity of this virus.

That is why it felt like a doomsday.  We started the day at work taking kid’s temperatures when they came into school.  They had to wash their hands immediately.  We had never done this before. Several children and staff were out sick. We might have been dealing with COVID-19 in our own workplace. 

We were all checking our phone and emails throughout the day.  We began to witness cancellations, closures, and warnings about how bad this was going to get.  In our minds, we thought this would be a couple weeks or maybe a month interruption.  We had no idea the prolonged months of this pandemic and the impact it would have on us.  

Our daughter's trip was cancelled. This was the event from that day that broke my heart the most. Now nine months later, I still feel pain in the pit of my stomach and get choked up when I think about this loss.  When I got home from work, I saw my three children sitting together on the couch.  We had a simple Mc Donalds dinner because nobody felt like cooking.  We were trying to process what had happened and how our lives were going to change. There was much at that point we did not know.

For myself, as for many the cancellations have been the most heart breaking.  Our daughter's mission trip.  My other daughter's literature competition and soccer season. We were grateful this fall she was able to take a theatre class that was supposed to have a video presentation. It felt normal again bringing her theatre class and seeing her face light up with this new opportunity. Then, that too got cancelled right before Thanksgiving with the new "pause" in place that cancelled gatherings. My son had hoped to run track and play basketball. It was difficult during the quarantine for him not to see his friends. Rob travels internationally at least twice a year training indigenous pastors. He had to cancel all his trips. There is uncertainty about when he will be able to go back to the Philippines or Ukraine and continue the work he was a part of previously.

    Secondly it has been navigating through new territory that has been trying...and frustrating at times. Leading a church through a pandemic is new territory. Many decisions have to be made almost weekly. There are always people on both sides of the decision and it is impossible to please everyone. There is always someone disappointed. Due to a wide spectrum of comfort levels, people needing to quarantine or worse dealing with COVID-19 themselves, the regular volunteer pool has shrunk. Some people including myself are doing double sometimes triple duty Sunday mornings.  

    Lastly I think there is unresolved grief at least for myself. Last year was my first year of teaching preschool and I feel like I never got to say good-bye to my preschoolers. We had a Zoom party and I was able to say good-bye to some in person. The school year felt unfinished. Every time I substitute teach in my former classroom, a part of me grieves. It is getting easier and it helps that the current teachers are wonderful. I am in a float position this year that did not even exist prior to COVID-19. It allows less people in the classroom and creates small stable groups. Somedays I feel like I went backwards to my previous assistant role.

  

            Routines, traditions, and holidays had to change and be downsized significantly. Easter Sunday was one of my darkest days during this pandemic and I felt in a state of grief the whole day. Normally this is a day of rejoicing, but I could not get there. Fourth of July felt almost normal despite no downtown fireworks and the parade. Halloween was actually enjoyable even with the trick or treating brief and short. The holidays already have a different feel to it, but in many ways we have gotten used to changes.

One of the catch phrases at the beginning of this pandemic is “We’re all in this together.”  Maybe it felt like this at the initial start of the pandemic. The funny COVID memes, the toilet paper jokes, and the mutual encouragement was welcomed. The further we move into this world changing event, many of us feel division.  Divisiveness about wearing a mask or not wearing one.  Reopening or remaining closed. In person or virtual school. The election made it worse. Racial tensions in many areas of the country did not help.  The suicide rate is up and I worry often about people's mental states. There are many people who don't feel a togetherness, but feel more lonely than ever.

     I continue to pray for an end to this pandemic and I will continue to do so. I am hopeful God hears our prayers and will deliver us from it in his time.

    For what is worth this is my own piece of advice...

    Don't be afraid to call or text someone God puts on your heart. If that person is on your mind, God might have a reason for that. Check in on him or her. Don't be afraid to express your feelings whatever they are to someone you can trust. We were never meant to carry all this alone. God made us for relationships.

     If you are walking in a dark place, please seek help. Tomorrow is a new day. I cannot promise it is going to be any better than today. I do know God's mercies are new every single morning. When you feel like you do not have the willpower to walk through another day of this (and I've been there), know that God goes before you. His strength will fill you. When we are weak, He is strong.

The gyms might be closing...but I'm still running

 Sometimes I sit and stare at this computer screen and I am completely overwhelmed.  My heart is full of a whole range of feelings.  That is what this fall brought upon us.  My children are blessed to be able to go to in person school which is not the norm in our corner of the country.  Most students are in virtual school.  The oldest is in high school two hours a day.  There are no sports or extracurricular activities right now and barely any school events.  It is the bare bones of school instruction with masks and face shields, social distancing and lots of sanitizing.  Don't get me wrong--I am thankful.  When school started in September, I would take whatever they offered.  But I am not going to pretend I am not grieving the extras.

I am grateful I have a full time job.  It is not anything like being a teacher last year in my own classroom.  So much has changed that I feel like I am navigating through new territory and figuring out a new normal every single day.  I am also grieving what I once had and may not have for awhile.

I never would have dreamed the challenges of leading a church during a pandemic and watching my husband navigate through each one.  At the end of the summer my daughter said she was sick of hearing the phrase, "We're all in this together" because she witnessed one too many divisions.  That has crept into the church as well.  

Sometimes we are functioning with a skeleton crew and it reminds me of the days of the mid 2000s when we moved here and there were many volunteer needs.  I am wearing the hats of middle school youth group leader, nursery team member, and singing on the praise team (which I have not done since 2004).  Yet I think God fills us with strength when we need it and calls us to opportunities in the short term or long term.  When I see the sixteen energetic and eager middle schoolers file into the fellowship hall, I remember that calling.  These are the times I don't feel weighed down by COVID 19.

One thing I keep doing through all this is I run.  In the last eight months I have run through anger, pain, frustration, and yet joy too.  I have cried while I am running.  I have given thanks to God.  I have expressed my anger.  Some of my runs are a way for me to work out my feelings.  

I am grateful I can run.  Because sometimes I do not know what else to do.  Something so simple as putting one foot in front of the other, basking in God's creation, and hoping for an end to this draining pandemic is what I can do.  I will keep doing it.  Even though my gym is probably going to close yet again...and more things sadly seem to be shutting down around me...I will still run.

Running Update: 145 Mile Challenge

I am still planning on doing a total of ten races in 2020 for 10 10 Ministries.  I have learned to appreciate and even be motivated by virtual races.  The last race I completed was the PDX Sprint 145 Mile Challenge.  I had thirty days to complete it and I did it in 26 days.  They encouraged competitors to incorporate all three triathlon activities (swim, bike, and run).  I also included some hiking and walking.   

The highlight of this race was hiking and walking in Arizona especially in Prescott where 10 10 Ministries is located.  I had the honor of spending part of Labor Day weekend at one of 10 10 Ministries' retreat suites.  The rest, relaxation, visiting with Joey and Robyn, and basking in the beautiful southwest was what I needed.  I had no idea that a little over twenty-four hours after I came home, my beautiful state of Oregon would get ravaged by wildfires.  This is why last few workouts were indoors except for one walk in the smoke wearing a mask.  I felt like my neighborhood was ghost town.

Below are all the workouts I completed.  I kept track of them mostly for the sake of entering them correctly on the Why Racing website.  I did 3 miles of swimming, 84.71 miles of biking, 41.97 miles of running, 9.4 miles of hiking, and 6 miles of walking.

I had not run in 19 days.  After being stagnant for that long, it is difficult to start up again.  It is amazing how quickly motivation goes out the window.  I managed to get a run in this morning.  My next race is a virtual 5k on October 3rd.

Tuesday, August 18: Day 1

0.5 miles swimming at the Battlecreek Courthouse

1.5 miles biking back and forth from Salem, Swim & Tennis Club

Total = 2 miles (143 to go!)

Wednesday, August 19:  Day 2

27 miles biking with Salem Bicycle Club

Total = 29 miles (116 miles to go!)

Thursday, August 20: Day 3

4 miles run outside in the neighborhood

Total = 34 miles (112 miles to go!)

Friday, August 21: Day 4

5.4 mile hike in the Mc Donald Dunn Research Forest

1.6 mile bike ride to and from the pool

Total = 41 miles (104 miles to go!)

Saturday, August 22: Day 5

6 miles ran in the neighborhood

Total = 47 miles (98 miles to go!)

Sunday, August 23: Day 6

3 mile intervals at Wendy Kroger Park

Total = 50 miles (95 miles to go!)

Monday, August 24: Day 7

Rest! (Still 95 miles to go)

Tuesday, August 25: Day 8

Ran 4 miles in the neighborhood before work (it was hard to get up!)

Total = 54 miles (91 miles to go)

Wednesday, August 26: Day 9

Biked 20 miles with Salem Bicycle Club

Total = 74 miles (71 miles to go) - Over halfway!

Thursday, August 27:  Day 10

Ran 9 miles in the neighborhood (planned on doing 8 but it turned into 9!)

Total = 83 miles (62 miles to go)

Friday, August 28: Day 11

Biked 4.11 miles to and from the Crossler Track.  Ran 3.47 miles doing sprints/intervals around the track

Total = 90.5 miles (54.5 miles to go!)

Saturday, August 29: Day 12

Swam 1 mile at the Battlecreek Courthouse (it was tough--felt slow!! Also did weights)

Total = 91.5 miles (53.5 miles to go)

Sunday, August 30: Day 13

Ran 2.5 miles at Bush Park with friends.  Heather's first run!! 

Total = 93 miles (52 miles to go!)

Monday, August 31: Day 14

Rest

Tuesday, September 1: Day 15

Rest

Wednesday, September 2: Day 16

Biked 20 miles

Total = 113 miles (32 miles to go!)

Thursday, September 3: Day 17

Ran 10 miles (about 2 miles with Heather...starting to get hot...really struggled on the Mildred hills)

Total = 123 miles (22 miles to go!)

Friday, September 4: Day 18

Travel day to Prescott.  Was hoping to get a hike or walk in but too much traffic in Phoenix.

Saturday, September 5: Day 19

Hike = 4 miles

Hiked in Sedona.  I climbed up near the base of Cathedral Rock and walked along a the Easy Breezy trail.  Also walked up to the Chapel of the Holy Cross.

Total = 127 miles (only 18 miles to go!)

Sunday, September 6: Day 20

Walk = 4 miles through Prescott Lakes neighborhood

Total = 131 miles (14 miles to go)

Monday, September 7:  Day 21

Rest

I have to get 14 miles completed this week.  Should be doable but the air quality is terrible right now due to fires.  

Tuesday, September 8: Day 22

Swim = 1/2 mile

Total = 131.5  miles (13.5 more miles to go)

Wednesday, September 9: Day 23

Rest...a lot shut down due to the fires

Thursday, September 10: Day 24

Bike (stationary bike at the gym--air quality still bad) = 10.5 miles

Total = 142 miles (only 3 miles to go!)

Friday, September 11: Day 25

Walk two miles in the smoke with a mask on

Total = 144 miles...only one more mile!

Saturday, September 12: Day 26

Swim one mile!

Total = 145 miles.  Complete!

All that I could want but nothing that I need...

There's tarnish on the golden rule

And I wanna jump from this ship of fools

Show me a place where hope is young

And a people who are not afraid to love

This world has nothing for me

And this world has everything

All that I could wanted

And nothing that I need

(From This World by Caedman's Call)

    I live in one of the most beautiful states in the United States.  Oregon has breathtaking mountains, a picturesque coast, countless waterfalls, and miles and miles of hiking trails.  We do not have to travel far to bask in the beauty and flee from the busyness of the city.  A week ago we witnessed how gusty warm winds and the spark from downed power lines can ignite our wooded areas.  Little recreational towns we know and love were completely destroyed.

    When I go through challenging times in my life, God often puts some type of verse or song on my heart.  More often that not, it is a CCM song from the 1990s.  This time it was Caedman's Call "This World."  I found myself singing it often around the time the racial riots broke out in our town and the COVID pandemic continued to delay reopening our schools and businesses.  Now our beautiful state is on fire and our air quality is hazardous.  We have not seen a blue sky or a full yellow sun in a week.

  

        As beautiful as this world is, it will not ultimately give us everything we need.  The true hope of this world is only through Jesus Christ, the son of God.  If I don't have that, what else do I have? 

    Paul said in the book of Philippians that he learned to be content in all circumstances.   We do not stop and consider that world "learned."  It did not come naturally to him.  Yes, we are learning too.  In COVID, in rioting, in forest fires, in hazardous air quality, in numerous schedule changes, and in personal struggles we are learning to be content in every circumstance.  It can only be gained through a relationship with Jesus Christ.  

    This crazy season has caused much waiting.  I hear people constantly asking, "When?"  When will schools open?  When will I be able to go back to work?  When it will rain?  When will they be able to put out the fires?  When will there be a vaccine for COVID?  and the ever popular "When will life get back to normal." Whatever "normal" is or will become. We don't know.  Every day is simply a waiting game.  

    The love of the God the Father is not something we have to wait for.  It is guaranteed and it is freely given to us today.  Right here.  Right now.  Everyday.  No matter what we are going through.  There is no "When?" question about that.  When will God show up?  He is already here.

From Summer to Fall

 We are nearing of what has felt like one of the longest summers that I can remember.  Even though COVID 19 changed the summer we were dreaming of back in January, we made the most of it.  We managed to create some special memories.  

We did many outdoor activities including exploring local places.  I do not think we would have taken the time to do this had we been traveling extensively.  We spent many...in fact most...afternoons at the pool as a family.  It always allows us to bask in the sun, open up a good book, cool off, and play water games.  This summer  in particular, it allowed us to do something normal and forget about COVID 19.  I am grateful our local pool was able to open in mid June. 

Now on to fall where "back to school" is very different.  We are extremely grateful our children's school is offering in person schooling even if it is limited.  The oldest will be going to school two hours a day but all her course work will be in person.  There are no electives yet and very few sports or activities.  But we will take what we can get.  The younger two will be in regular in person school with some COVID 19 regulations in place.  I am teaching preschool but am a float teacher.  I will be circulating between four different classrooms.  If it were not for COVID, I would have my own classroom.  I see how everything is part of His plan for the fall...and maybe into the winter and spring.  Rob is still of course dealing with opening up our church one program at a time while keeping people healthy and safe.

I failed after the ninth week of summer to take a photo for each day as my daughter had challenged me in June.  I did take quite a few photos and I am posting them in order by date with a few stories behind the pictures...

Tuesday, August 11: When the pandemic hit in March Rob and I were playing Euchure online--a Midwest game I loved playing in college.  Not many Oregonians know how to play it much less have heard of it.  Then we ventured into learning Spades which we love even more.  We play a couple nights a week.

Wednesday, August 12:  I got a new tent for Christmas.  I took the younger two camping in early August.  Then they decided to set it up again and sleep in the backyard.  They slept in it two nights in a row and attempted a third night.  They did not make it all the through and slept most of that third night in their own beds.

Thursday, August 13: When Rob and I were doing the Oregon Coast challenge I did a few rides on the stationary bike.  I tried to take a picture of my mileage so I would remember.  Guess it helps to take the picture before the numbers change.

Friday, August 14:  Derek unsuccessfully trying to get Rob out of his lawn chair at the pool

Sunday, August 16. I am slightly obsessed with huckleberries.  They are very difficult to get because they only grow on high elevation.  I am told you have to watch for bears when you pick them.  Rob somehow got me some rom a mysterious person.  He baked them into cinnamon rolls and they were amazing!

Monday, August 17:  We took one of the little girls Hailey nannies to downtown and spent some time playing near the Willamette River.  

Thursday, August 20:  One of my favorite days of the summer!  Playing in Butte Creek in Scotts Mills.  Jumping and climbing off rocks.  It was such a refreshing afternoon.

Friday, August 21:  Rob and I did an intense hike in Corvallis.  We had no idea a lot of it would be uphill.  I was not even wearing hiking or running shoes. It was still nice to get away.

Saturday, August 22:  Celebrating Rob's birthday at the Yard.  Even though I did not take a picture of Rob.  Sad.  Will need to go back and try the waffle truck Derek and Kara went to.

Monday, August 24:  Beautiful red tomatoes from the garden that Hailey took care of while the owners were on vacation.

Thursday, August 27:  Loved this "cookie dessert flight" Rob and I ordered at one of our favorite restaurants in downtown Salem.

Tuesday, September 1: Beautiful day with friends at Neskowin.  Started the summer here and ended it here.