So I am training for another marathon

I decided to train for another marathon I want to run in 2020.  Of course COVID 19 is making it impossible to create any sort of plan.  I might not be able to sign up for a marathon and realistically plan for it.  But I can still run. 

All five of my marathons have their own story. I have run five marathons in five different states between the years 2006 and 2019.

My first marathon was simply, "I want to see if I can actually do this."  I ran it K Mart shoes with little to no knowledge on pacing or nutrition.  But I finished, but it was rough. I felt terrible when I crossed the finish line and I said, "Never again."  This was the reason I did not run another one for four years. I also had two babies during that time.

Marathon number two was everything marathon one was not.  It was a chance for myself--the mother of a preschooler, toddler, and infant to take a personal retreat. Everyone has their own idea of self care.  Mine includes running. I ran a marathon in Sacramento and shaved 16 minutes off my time.  I remember crossing Mile #22 thinking, "I still feel okay!"  If any of my medals belong to Rob, this one is his.  I will never know how challenging it was for him to take care of our three children while teaching Sunday School and preaching two sermons in two different services.  Not any man can take that on but my man did.

Marathon number three was eighteen months later.  It was the one and only marathon my whole family attended and watched me cross the finish line.  Although I am pretty sure the youngest who was two and a half at the time was asleep in the stroller.  And she threw up in the car on the way to the starting line. Again my husband is a superstar.  But I PRed again and my whole family was there to see it.

Marathon number four was about two years later and is only marathon (so far) I ran with a family member.  My sister joined me in Minnesota.  We chose not to actually run side by side because I was going for a PR.  Which to this day is my fastest.  I was four minutes shy of breaking four hours.  

Marathon 2019 was another personal retreat but I also had the chance to heal after some very difficult months in 2018. I spent countless long training runs in prayer and sometimes in tears. I ran it in January in beautiful Arizona at the beginning of 2019. I left my burden at the finish lane.

So now I am training for Marathon 6.  This has been my COVID19 run--my "I need to get out of the house or I am going to go insane" type run.  I am having flashbacks to when I trained for Sacramento and desperately needed some time away from the chaos of Planet Toddlers.  What marathon I am doing is not one hundred percent determined yet. It might have to wait until 2021. For now, I will continue training.

Here is my latest video of my reason for running 10 races in 2020...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-rYampWxZcs

Something lost. Something gained.

In January of 1999 I had three semesters left of college and I was craving an extended break from my life in West Michigan. I wanted to do a semester abroad in a remote place and study missions. It was a desire I had for about a year.  I was tired of being in large groups of people and maintaining a fast paced schedule that included work, classes, writing papers, field education and eating fast food meals on the fly.  I was tired of my car that kept breaking down. God provided me with an opportunity to go to West Papua, Indonesia for four months. Being with the same people, having a schedule each day, eating healthy, staying active through adventure activities like hiking, and having classes in more of a homeschool format was what I desired. 

 There were of course other stressors that were unique to living in the jungle for four months. Sickness, fatigue, sometimes boredom (we could not leave the mission compound on our own and there were not many places to go), living in a culture extremely different from anything I experienced, safety issues, a language barrier, and feelings of overwhelm. I missed my family, Rob (who was my boyfriend of three months at the time), and friends.  I dealt with disconnect and loneliness on a regular basis.

I think this is why living during the COVID 19 pandemic has brought back memories of my time in Indonesia.  Our lives became much simpler.  I have been mostly with the same four people in my family for two months. Our routines and schedules are simpler.  However, there are other stressors unique to living during a pandemic.  Learning new technology, figuring out how to work and go to school from home, grieving missed activities and events, missing family and friends, and boredom.  There have been bouts of loneliness and anxiety as well.

One of our last weeks in Indonesia our team leader Dave lead a devotional I will never forget.  I have repeated it for groups since that time.  He held up a jar and filled it with candy.  He said this is what we were like when we came into Indonesia.  We had been immersed in American culture and we were entering into a completely different environment.  He hit the jar gently on rocks and talked about how we had been challenged, tossed around, and changed.  He dumped the candy all over the ground.  Then he filled the jar with rocks.  He said that God filled us with new things while in Indonesia.  These were new treasures we would take home. We might feel "different" and "out of place" when we returned to America. Which I found to be true.  I had a panic attack when I was in a crowd of people at the beach in Grand Haven, MI a few weeks after returning home. Mostly related to culture shock. Dave reminded us, "Wherever you are God is."

I am reminded of Galatians 2:20 which was also an important verse to some of us while in Indonesia.  It says, "I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me.  The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me."  The greatest treasure God fills us with Christ.  This new life we find in Christ is not easy.  We might feel "out of place" but wherever we are God is.

We were tossed around during this pandemic. Many things important to us were dumped out and destroyed.  But there were treasures gained.  Rob and I became closer and improved in our communication.  Our children actually fought very little and I loved seeing them spend time together.  They created rituals and routines I hope continue.  I actually watched less TV than normal and listened to podcasts for the first time.  I learned to live in the present and not be overwhelmed by future deadlines and events. This is something I need to remind myself of next fall.  I allowed my body to do the things it responds positively to such as running and biking (miss swimming!).  I also allowed my body to rest and sometimes sleep an extra hour or two.  When the pandemic hit, I think I was sleep deprived.  I allowed myself to express emotions: to grieve, to be angry in a healthy way, to share disappointments, and to sit in uncertainty.  I learned more about emotions in the last year and a half than ever before.

I don't look back at my four months in Indonesia as "fun" like I would look back on a vacation or a road trip with friends.  There were more days I felt burdened by anxiety and overwhelm than days I felt at peace.  But the treasures I gained have shaped every single area of my life.  I have a deep passion for Indonesia because of my time there.

We don't know what our summer will be like.  It will not be normal.  It might be difficult. We might not see what we have gained in the moment or even this summer or even this year.  But God is at work us.  We are his treasures.  Wherever we are, God is.

And it's April...

This is my April calendar.  No track.  No theatre. No academic competitions.  No youth group.  No Bible Study.  No friend gatherings.  No trips.  No hikes.

It looks bizarre.

To be honest it looks depressing.

I think that is the state I was in late last week when I switched my calendar from March to April.  I felt drained.  Disconnected.  Unmotivated.  Bored.  My heart was heavy.  I appreciated all the silly memes on social media and COVID19 songs.  Yes, there needs to be space to lighten the mood.

Pay attention to the grief and pain too.

I  know of people in the hospital suffering from this virus leaving precious loved ones at home who cannot visit them.  I know of people laid off from work and they have children they are struggling to provide for.  I know of people struggling with how to teach their children at home and utilize unfamiliar technology.  I know of people who feel lonely and disconnected.  I know of people grieving special spring events like weddings and graduations.

Today was supposed to be our annual Easter egg hunt in the park by our house. My daughter also reminded her formal (similar to be prom) would be this weekend as well.

 It is healthy and necessary to acknowledge that this whole situation plainly stinks.  This is not what we signed up for.  There are many unanswered questions even with all the information we are constantly given.

John 11:35 says, "Jesus wept."  This is a meaningful verse to me and not because it is the shortest verse in the Bible and super easy to memorize!  When Lazarus died, Jesus did not break forth into advice giving or lightening the mood.  He grieved and he wept with the family before he raised Lazarus from dead.  

He grieves and he walks with us during this time.  We have a holy comfort.  We receive a true holy comfort from Christ who promised to be with us always.  We receive a true holy comfort from someone who hears our grieving and sees our tears.  There are moments or days or even longer spans of time when we might feel like that is all we have right now.  And yet that is all we need.

Have a blessed Easter.

Race Report #3 Social Distance 5K

For my third race of 2020 I asked my friend Emily if she wanted to do a virtual 5k with me.  We signed up for the Social Distance 5k.  We randomly picked Wednesday morning because it both worked with our schedules.  I am thankful we picked a beautiful cloudless sky morning and the temperature was perfect.

I mapped out our 5k going past our friend Karen's house and our friend Heather's house.  We ran on low traffic roads and did not have to deal with many stoplights.  The crowd support from Karen and her four kids was welcomed.  I used to watch some of them when I did in home day care and I loved seeing their smiling faces.

We ran through one of our local parks and it has beautiful wildflowers growing.  I love hiking in our state parks and venturing out to the coast this time of year.  COVID19 has kept me from doing that.  It has made me appreciate the little trails in our city parks and the beautiful flowers blooming everywhere.  Including the tulips in my own front yard.

I did not take this picture while we were racing.  I came back later to take it!

Emily and I talked about the challenges of working from home, teaching via Zoom or You Tube and dealing with children with mixed emotions including boredom.  We are grieving over cancellations and plans changing.  There is the ongoing fear of, "How much longer?"

As I noticed the beautiful bright morning, the blooming wildflowers, and the bird chirping I was reminded of Psalm 113:3 which says, "From the rising of the sun to the place where it sets, the name of the Lord is to be praised."  Life as we know it continues.  The flowering trees are starting to sprout new green leaves.  Squirrels are scurrying all over the park.  The morning light is coming earlier and the evening sun setting later.  God is here.  He is in control.  My prayer is you feel His presence during this time.

States of Mind During the Stay At Home Ordinance

This past week I felt like my life was not much different than the indoor cat's.  Stuck at home.  Not many places to go.  Sleeping sounds good. 

Salena soaking in the sun

During this COVID-19 "stay-at-home ordinance" we fluctuate between "This is quite nice and relaxing" to "This is really frustrating...when will it end?" and "I think we've lost it."

First the positives...

•  The kids have adapted well though they all had their moments.  Overall, they are fighting very little, finding things to do, and respecting screen time restrictions.  We only increased their screen time a little bit.
• I have had time for previous hobbies such as playing guitar.  I was pretty consistent with it this fall but January was a mentally and emotionally strenuous month--and I lost motivation. It is nice to be working on it again.
• I read three books in a week.
• I am still motivated to exercise even though my gym closed.  Because I run and bike outside year round, I have still able to do the workouts I love.
• I got back into cooking and baking.  I made chili and cornbread from scratch.  This morning I made homemade sticky buns.

First time making sticky buns

• We have enjoyed some family movie nights and game nights.
• I am grateful for user friendly technology.  We have been able to connect with extended family, friends, and youth groups kids via Zoom and other networking programs.

Family Zoom Session representing three states

• I have been working on my Spanish and Rob is working on learning Dutch.
• The slower pace has been good for my mental and emotional health.

And the challenges...

•  All three kids miss their schools, their teachers, and their friends.  I greatly miss my preschoolers and their families.
•  Since I cannot teach in the classroom, my whole job has changed.  I have had to think outside the box a lot.
• Being an extrovert, being home days on end is draining and exhausting.  My temptation is to sleep way more than necessary and I have to try to keep a somewhat consistent sleep schedule.
• Like the rest of the world, special trips and events had to be cancelled.  We don't know how long that cancellation will extend to.  June?  Later?
• The uncertainty and all the news updates feeds my anxiety.  I listen to the news in the morning and then try to shut it off for the rest of the day.
• At times I struggle with not being motivated.  I have all this time on my hands but I don't want to do anything.  My default mode is sleeping or scrolling on Facebook.

And the "I think we've lost it" moments which make this whole situation a little less serious and more lighthearted.

•   I forgot my zip code the other day and said my old Michigan zip code instead (even though I have been in Oregon fifteen years)
• We watched the movie Groundhog Day as a family.  After the movie was over and the kids went to bed, Rob and I were talking.  I said, "This is hard for me.  Each day is the same.  Day after day."  He said, "Are you talking about the movie or real life?"
•   I played several rounds of Euchure with the computer and was yelling at the computer's choice cards he/she/it played.
•   Rob and I watched a half hour of aerial skiing and ski jumping accidents last night on You Tube.
•   I listened to the 1984 version of "We Are the World" while cleaning my kitchen and sang every single word.
•  The younger two children were listening to old carnival music and pretending to be goblins.
• The highlight of my son's day was walking to Walgreens to buy a pack of three prong wall adapters.  Which I was excited about because everyone keeps sharing the same one and I can't find it half the time.

As for the cat,  I don't think she is used to everyone being in her space all the time.  I am not quite sure whether she likes it or is a bit annoyed by it.  Maybe a mix of both.

In all seriousness, we are constantly reminded that God is in control.  May we seek to honor and glorify Him in all we do--even in our state of quarantine.

Race Report: Race #2 Small Group Solo 10K

Before COVID-19 I did not understand the point of running a virtual race.  Why run a race by yourself when you could race against other people and be a part of a large event?  My mind was not open to the idea until every single race for the next two months was cancelled.  And I committed to running ten races in 2020 and I do not want to run every single one in the late summer and fall.

Since March was my 10K race month, I decided to create my own virtual 10K race.  I decided my theme would be "The Small Group Run" since three out of the four families in my small group live within running distance. The other family lives in Albany approximately twenty two miles away.  Which running a virtual marathon might work if I can figure out how to get back home.

I started my race at 8 AM with my virtual gun going off in my head.  I was proud of myself that I was able to maintain more of a race pace of approximately nine and half minute miles.  The course was more than hilly than most races I run.  I ran past my first friend's house and she was out on her driveway with her sweet baby cheering me on.  I ran past her house and through one of my favorite parks we had a picnic in on Mother's Day last year.  We also went there on my birthday two weeks ago before this madness started.

 I made it to my next friend's house and she was at her front door with her preschool son cheering for me.  I love races with crowd support because it does propel you towards the finish line.  Honestly having their crowd support was enough for me this morning.  It was welcomed!

Then I ran to the last friend's house and forgot she lives at the top of a large hill.  That was not fun conquering a hill the last mile of my 10K race.  Originally when I mapped it, my 6.2 miles would end in front of her house but Map My Run told me I had 0.2 miles still to go.  I ran to Hillview Park up the street from her house and finished my race there.  Obviously I got first place!

While I ran, I listened to a playlist I created on iTunes I named, "Hope For This Time" and I listened to inspirational songs.  I listened to Chris Tomlin's song "God of the City" which I have not listened to in a very long time. This song became meaningful to me when I went on a mission trip to Philadelphia with our church in 2010.  We sang it in the worship service with the people from Philly in which we worked with.

This part of the song really struck a chord with me:

For greater things have yet to come
And greater things are still to be done in this city
Greater things have yet to come
And greater things are still to be done in this city

We have lived in our city for over thirteen years.  We have invested in this community.  We have watched our church evolve and change and minister to many people over the years.  We have said good-bye to people who left their earthly homes and we have welcomed numerous children who have grown into young men and women.  We have walked with people through tragic events.  We have waded through uncertain times that tore us apart before it brought us back together.  Not having as much connection now but still reaching out and caring for "the flock" is burdensome.  More so for my husband than for me.  Please if you have not already done so--pray for your pastor.

Someone asked me this week:  "Who is caring for the pastor if he is taking care of the flock?"  That made me think about how grateful I am for Joey and Robyn at 10 10 Ministries who checked in with us this week as well.  They have their own flock they are caring for and I am grateful to be part of that flock of ministry couples waded through this crazy time in our world.

I thought of my own job as well.  Since I started working for an agency three years ago that helps people in impoverished situations, I have seen "the other sides of the city."  I did not have as much exposure to this when I was a stay at home mom.  Since the COVID-19 epidemic hit, this portion of our city has been  hit just as hard--if not harder.  My heart breaks as I think of the needs I cannot meet.

God is the author of our hope and our salvation.  He fuels us with strength we can find right now in the midst of a tragedy.  I do not know how long this all going to last.  I wish I had a date.  A time frame.  A good estimate.  I have to limit myself from the news, statistics, and social media at times during this crisis because it feeds my anxiety.

God brings restoration.  The hope we can find in Christ is unlike any other kind of hope we can grasp on to during this time.  Greater things are yet to come.

Running Is Not Cancelled Even If Races Are!

Countless running races have been cancelled in both March and April and now more in May and even June.  Crowds, runners aligning together, used cups at aid stations etc. poses too many risks for COVID-19.  They might be able to cancel races but they cannot cancel running...at least not yet. Hopefully not at all. We can still leave our homes and go for a run. 

Even though I am an extrovert by nature, I am more of an introverted runner.  I like to run alone and I crave the solo time and the ability to be lost in my own thoughts.

The running community has gotten pretty creative when it has come to races.  I am part of a few different running and triathlon Facebook groups.  Someone's marathon got canceled so she ran 26.2 miles on her own around an indoor track!  That is serious dedication.  Another person made their own "hometown race" and asked neighbors and friends to be her cheering section and aid station.

I was supposed to run a 10K last Saturday.  My plan was do a 5K trail run with my son in April.  Those plans were thrown out the window. When I decided back in December to run ten races in 2020, I had no idea a portion of 2020 would not have any running races to participate in!

So my plan for a March race is to do "a small group run" on Friday morning.  We have been blessed with a small group at our church that has been meeting for several years.  We have seen one another through new babies added to our families, job changes, mental struggles, moving to different homes, health  concerns, and much more.  Aside from one family, we all live in the same area of town.  Which is a tremendous blessing.  When we first moved here in 2006, there were very few families from our church in our neighborhood. 

I will be running from my house to one family's house, to the next family's house and ending at another family's house.  I mapped it out and it is 6.2 miles.  I will time myself too.  Though the timing might be off because of stoplights and I was told Map My Run is not totally accurate.  I am looking forward to completing this solo race.

This is my second race of ten for 10 10 Ministries.    April's race could be just as interesting...I am already thinking of some themes.